THE TEAM
Lloydy - The Skipper
"Tony Velcro"
A show biz pro through and through, Tony started his career in a travelling French funfair and freak show as "demi homme, demi singe", before reinventing himself and starting his current residency in Whistler's "Starlight Ballroom", where he entertains with virtuoso demonstrations of sleeping and snoring (I suppose growing all that hair is quite tiring!)
So the next time Whistler goes past and you think you can hear the engine, you know what the noise is!
"Tim the Helm" aka "Dad"
You wouldn't believe it (well at least an impressionable 15 year old girl didn't) but he is the oldest member of the team. Dedicated to his sailing, and, on doctor's orders, at his age he can only spend one weekend a year with his wife - and even this has to coincide with some time on the water! Mellow with age, unless we are passing "the same f**king lobster pot" for 6 hours!
Stop Press - now known as "Grandad"!
Vee
A most valuable member of the crew because she not only has a (very large) house in Cowes, drives the conspicuously yellow "Team Support" vehicle, knows loads of people, drinks like a fish, smokes like a trooper, can sail and is a most generous hostess!
On the down side she does put temptation in the way of some of the more "susceptible" members of the crew in the form of attractive, young (yes, very young) ladies.
Bruce - "The Grey Panther"
Only rarely allowed to go sailing by his employers, he was aptly named by Tony Velcro in one of his rare waking moments, following the skipper's exhortation for the crew to move around the boat in light airs with "footsteps like a panther".
"Like a big grey panther with a trunk!" quipped Tony between snores.
Hot News - has now changed jobs again (obviously to spend more time on Whistler!) AND GOT MARRIED!! Sarah, the new Mrs Panther, sails on one of our rivals, Tai Pan...
"Slippery"
Samantha
As we are committed equal opportunities, the Team have recently recruited Samantha (somewhat more tangible than her namesake on "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue") who often chooses to behave like a deranged, old Slovakian peasant woman when working up at the sharp end of Whistler. Admittedly this has presented a number of challenges - the eccentric behaviour and odd attire, repeated demands for Earl Grey, warblings of popular Slovakian pop songs (such as Grandma, We Love You) - although she does seem to subsist quite happily on a diet of good old British alcohol!
Sal
By some strange coincidence this is the second Aussie/Dutch mix that we have recruited, another cunning ploy to give ourselves a true "international" feel without having to have too many of those pesky foreign johnnies on board. Despite a pedigree drawn from two nations renowned for their abuse of intoxicating substances (both legal and illegal), evidence to date suggests a worryingly low tolerance for alcohol - but a season's dedicated training with the Team should sort that!
And new for the 2007 Season...
"The Swami of Sailing" - also known as "The Stig"
People say he once waved a carrot at a badger...
Electron have the "Yoda of Sailing" and we have... Richard... a mystic sage from a time long ago who, when not sailing, leads an ascetic lifestyle of contemplation and mediation nutured only by the salt on the sea-breeze... as you can see from his photo!
A few Alumni of the
Whistler
Academy
of Sailing Excellence, now making their own wakes...
"Stavros"
Otherwise known as Yiorgos, reputedly runs a successful kebab-shop franchise somewhere north of
London
.
After flirting with a number of other boats in the JOG fleet he bought his laid back Mediterranean approach (i.e. he spent most of his time eating or sleeping) to Whistler and changed our nutritional intake away from beer and burgers to something more varied (coffee and kebabs?)
Now spends most weekends helping his son break into the UK mobile kebab shop circuit!!
Anne "The Boat Pet"
The newest and youngest member of the team, a keen windsurfer and dinghy sailor - and very importantly a sailmaker.
Specially selected to bring in some youthful bounce and vitality (most of which seems to come after consuming a bucket full of vodka) to balance to jaded old codgers who normally crew Whistler, although we have also had to learn to live with continual texting and use of these new mobile telephonic devices, as well as recruiting a translator to help with the generational linguistic gap... After struggling with the concept of driving all the way to Gosport to start a race gave up and went kite and windsurfing before going "down under" (!!!). Now working in Sydney.
Graeme aka "Fish"
It's not because of any particular shortcoming in personal hygiene, odd appearance or, steady girls, the ability to breathe through gills - merely that his surname is Salmon. In 2006 his major contribution was when we "lent" him to Black Jack for the 31.7 Regatta - and he managed to blag the bowman's job and hoist the spinnaker sideways -TWICE!
Oh, and he's another Kiwi... are there any left down under?
Just disappeared... most likely doing something untoward with his secretary... which probably resulted in his expulsion from the UK -now back in NZ
"Je m'appelle" Les
Half Aussie, half Dutch, but knows f**k all about rugby, cricket or football, a human auto pilot fuelled by chocolate biscuits, memorable for his (lack of) command of the French language - although it didn't stop him bringing 4, 14 year old French girls back to the boat "for the crew", which necessitated a swift exit from Le Havre the next morning - 'nuff said!
Despite these obvious failings, got "lurved up" and has moved with the young lady in question to St Barts - seems an odd choice after the joys of sailing in the
Solent
and Channel!
Ben "The Scamp"
When not scrumping and playing "knock down ginger", was to be found up the sharp end of Whistler. Naturally mischievious, with a cheeky grin and a voice showing the effects of too many crafty smokes behind the bike shed, his pockets are filled with a half-eaten toffee, his catapult, last seasons "69-er" conker and a beetle in a match box.
After the 2004 JOG Dinner, he disappeared down the A35 towards
Plymouth
where he is involved in "property".
"Douggie Loving" Leacy
Famed for his endless social contacts and never ending fund of anecdotes, this fearless warrior of the Empire is a lynch-pin in our countries defences. His major contribution was probably introducing the team to the pleasures to be found at the bottom of a bottle of
Mount
Gay
rum (or six)!
Newly commissioned by Her Majesty, he somehow became seduced to the dark side and joined Xploiter; last seen standing on deck as they flew a giant, spinnaker-shaped masthead pennant in the late 2004 season race to Cherbourg.
Richard - "Snowie"
A seasoned offshore pro (basically because he realised that even in bad light he wasn't getting much business on the streets of Gosport), therefore rarely seen near land.
Any resemblance to David Brent (with a pony tail) is purely coincidental... and that is a bush behind him, not his hair.
Ian - "The Cruising Git"
Never happier than when snugged down with 2 reefs in a Force 3, the kettle on, shepherds pie in the oven and half an ounce of "Septics's Rough Old Shag" in his pipe, it was something of a surprise to see him on something that purports to be a racing boat!
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