An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.
'What are you so happy about?' asks the barman.
'Well, I'll tell you,' replies the ugly man. 'You know I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.
Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position I could get her into!'
'Fantastic!' exclaimed the barman. 'You lucky bastard, was she pretty?'
'Dunno. Never found her head...'